Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Ice Day, Wasted Day

No snow, just ice, lots of wrecks also. I accomplished nothing today. That bothers me, I like to feel productive. I like to feel like I'm taking a step forward, but I'm not. Paralyzed is a better way to describe where I am. Fear....how did I get to this place? I used to be in the trenches of life....now I just watch. I feel so constrained, like chains wrapped around me, and I'm trying to break free. But it's so hard...why? Each time I feel ready and willing to just go and get free....I lose momentum...fear, paralyzed by the fear of failure...but why do I care if I fail. It's not like someone is going to be there ridiculing me, telling me I'm wrong, that I failed, that I'm worthless...there's only me saying it to myself...fear....Father help me break these chains that are holding me back...It feels so hard....