Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Forgive = Hard

Forgiveness...why is it so hard. I was taught since I was little to forgive....you know the "forgive and forget". It has always come so hard to me. I know people who can just forgive, forget and move on. I am not one of them. I find it so hard to let go....almost as if when I do, I'm afraid it will happen again. It's a fear that if I do forgive...then what is there to keep me from being hurt again. If I don't forgive, I stay on my toes...and I am reminded of the hurt over and over and over again. I find myself now of being in the situation of needing to forgive after 20 yrs of hurt...20 years....that's a long time to harbor all those feelings. I am good at keeping them buried....but I had a kick, more like a lightening bolt, of that old hurt again, and I just can't get rid of it. After a few nights of crying and days of hurting, I finally really turned to God. Now I had been praying but had never really gotten to the depths yet. I know when God is speaking to me cause he interrupts me...finishes my thought with an answer...and He repeats himself until I get it, no matter how many "are you sures" I ask. He told me to forgive...and each time I ask, it's always the same..forgive. But I don't know how...but I know I have to...I have to get past this cause it is eating me up inside and before long it will start to affect my life outside of just affecting me. Forgive....how Lord, how??? How do I just let it go.........

18 comments:

Becky said...

It is SO HARD.

And you are right. You can't do it alone.

You just have to turn it over to Him!

Give him all your hurt and anger. Let it fall and shatter. And with His love and help you can get through it. Cause if you hold onto it you are only hurting yourself. (but you know that already...Our pastor once said "the other person {{the one we are needing to forgive}} is in the Bahamas." We are the one that is carrying around the hurt)

I have been dealing with this myself so I don't belittle it at all. IT. IS. HARD! But I just keep telling myself that I can't go wrong handing it over to Him.

So days I think I've mastered it...some days I don't. Good luck to you sweetie!

Kori said...

Praying that it all works out. Let go Let God! And all will work out. I've missed you. Love you.

Grace said...

I used to get so frustrated because I always thought is was 'forgive and forget'... I felt that because I hadn't forgotten then I wasn't really forgiving... and thus... still was carrying around such extra baggage.

But I discovered not too long ago.. that it's Forgive (no matter what) but we aren't required to forget. Once I got that my issues with forgiveness and forgetting seemed to disappear. Look back at scripture and perhaps some of your christian authors and you'll see that we are to forgive. Forgetting can happen, but not a requirement.

Perhaps that will help you. Now, regardless of that... my heart hurts for you and whatever you are going through right now. Hugs for you my dear!

He & Me + 3 said...

Forgiving is not always forgetting. WE are human & we will remember someone causing us pain. Pain is often in the remembering, but you have to allow your hurts time to heal & the only way for them to heal is to forgive. When you truly have forgiven, then you will begin to heal & the pain will lessen even in the remembering...did you get all that? Praying that you find that forgiveness.

Alicia said...

I think we have to choose to forgive. This way, the Lord can start the healing process. We can't do it on our own because we will never truly forgive and that root of bitterness will still be there.

I know it's hard!!! But, God commands us to forgive. He forgave us.

pam said...

What a difficult thing to have to do. And, very timely as well for me. My dad and his sister were divided in 1982 when their dad died. To make a long story short this past Sunday we went to my Dad's sister and husbands 40th wedding anniversary party. 1982 until 2009 is a long time, but somehow I think the past will be in the past and we can live in the present.

Praying for you.

Missy said...

Forgiveness is so hard. Our Father tries to show us a good example, but we are human. It is not something that comes naturally to us.

I too struggle with forgiving someone that has hurt me pretty much my entire life. I continually have to ask God to help me find that forgiveness.

I think wanting to forgive is the first step.

Deb said...

Forgiveness can come through God, forgetting on the other hand, I'm not sure that is ever accomplished. You're on the right track by giving it over to God and if you're like me, it's a conscience effort for a long time until one day you realize that you've completely let it go. I speak from experience and if you'd like to chat about it, just e-mail me because I went through something very private that also took me years to let go of.
HUGS and PRAYERS,
Deb

Sarah Brown said...

I is very hard....something that I too struggle with. I know in my heart what we should do but doing it is another thing. I pray that you will have the strength to forgive. Know that you have people thinking of you during this tough time.

Stopping by from SITS with a little love and support=)

Whitney said...

Thanks for sharing this. I struggle with the same thing. I usually just try to forget, but I always have to remind myself that you must FORGIVE first.

Heart2Heart said...

Jane,

It may not be the forgiving that is so difficult. Its the forgetting. God never said to forget. That is difficult to do with a memory that we have. However, we can ask God to remove that memory so that it does not allow any more pain to come with it. To allow you to move forward in complete forgiveness and continue to lift that person up in prayer. For me it took almost a year but everyday I look back I am thankful that God worked in my life the way He did.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

I am going through this same thing with some Family related things and I am have a hard time forgiving and letting go. This goes back to when I was in 5th grade. Good to know I am not alone in my struggle. It is very hard.

Stopping by to say HI and thanks for joining Georgie and I for Secret Santa this year.

Samantha said...

Praying for you my dear friend.

Life with Kaishon said...

I am stopping over from SITS and I totally know what you mean. It is so hard to let go. I hope your situation gets better and better in the days ahead! God bless!

Frugal Vicki said...

This is a HUGE struggle for me too. Even sometimes things that aren't being done directly to me, I know I haven't forgiven someone because I will still be so angry at such a simple thing, even something they may do to someone else. I guess it is hard to forgive too, when you know it is just going to happen again. Why bother?
I hope things get easier for you though. And you are able to listen to those finished thoughts!

Heckety said...

What Heart2Heart said is how I have learned to deal with forgiveness too- ask God to help me forgive X and then for Him to take away the memory so I can't revisit or pick it up again later. My Mum is exactly like you, she could have written this post, and I've seen the damage it has done to her over the years, so I knew I had to deal with forgiveness very early on this journey. But one forgets how important it is to stick with God's lessons until one reads something like this post. Thank you for the reminder.

Edie said...

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you will forget, but it does mean that you will be free. I'm not good at it either but if you asked God how, He WILL tell you. Once when I felt God telling me to forgive someone and I asked Him how when the person doesn't even think they did anything wrong. In a nutshell, God told to do something unexpected and kind for the offenders. It took all that was within me but I did it and immediately I felt the freedom AND the upper hand from God.

Praying that God will show you how.

Much love!

Angela said...

Hey Lady! we missed you but it looks like you had a great vacation!! At least it was pretty where you were. I feel like it has rained here since Sept 1 without stopping, LOL!

Yes, forgiveness is SO hard. I think sometimes that it is the hardest thing God asks us to do - and we can't do it without his grace. But he promises to give that and you WILL find the turning point. Keep praying. Love and hugs!